Part 1: The Miracle Of Love
This post is very long and pretty messed-up. The topic is difficult and personal to me. So, my emotions are pretty messed-up. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy for me to write this text. I hesitated for a long time, went back and forth on it many times, and finally I did the best I could. I don’t feel very confident, to be honest. I would have liked to push some ideas a little further, but it would have been definitely too long -Maybe a next time- So, it’s better to take it as an account of my own experience, my own feelings. I don’t speak for anyone else but myself and I talk a lot about myself, today.
It might look like I’m angry sometimes, but I’m not. Maybe am I just a little overcome, at time. When that happens, I tend to become somewhat ironic, bluntly crude or the both. I tried, not to be too much. But I’m not a princess! In my real life, I use bad words, like everyone else. On my blog, I’m not a different person. But, I still don’t bite people who don’t bite me.
Brief, let’s go now, or I’ll take to my heels, like a pretty, small heroine who meets a curly, green-eyed, tattooed, big, bad boy should do! -Yes, it’s something to do with today’s topic-
Spot the odd one out
#HarryStyles #Badboys #Kidnapping #Violence #Rape #Love
After her recent aquatic adventures, our lucky Heroine Of The Real Life got out of the shower, smelling of vanilla, and she sent her sneaky, green-eyed tiger to take a walk. Because today, she goes one step further in hell -not a small one- and it’s not a good place for a kind lover. Not at all. So, let’s go back to hell.
If you read my previous posts, -If not, it’s not too late!- you know now that Harry’s a Beautiful-Curly-Sexy-Icy-Dark-Green-eyed bastard who doesn’t burden himself with details. He always gets what he wants, period. He’s a jealous and possessive werewolf, an authoritarian and violent dark demon and a red sorcerer, who casts powerful sex spells, that send the girls to the moon -NOW- and wake up the whole neighbourhood, at the same time.
And very often, our hero’s a #Badboy too. Harry and his three best friends are criminals.
« But, Harry’s friends weren’t four?
Yes, but the fourth was tired of playing video games, eating pizzas and spending his evenings in nightclubs -drinking lemon drops, in VIP lounges, with sexy, pretty girls that lip pink vodka, on your lap, it’s overrated anyway- He wanted to experience new things. So, he went for a ride, shirtless in the woods, and never came back. And most of all, he’s very, very busy with the heroines of his own fanfics, he’s no time to mess around!
So, our remaining four bad boys share an isolated house, somewhere far from the town. And when they aren’t bumming around, watching TV or drinking in nightclubs, they clash with rival gangs and walk away without a scratch, kill people but we don’t really know why or what for -faculty deans and teachers, the most of the time- and they also kidnap innocent girls who get in their way, at time.
And one day, a heroine steps on Harry’s toes, gets a slap -or two if she opens her mouth- and ends up locked in the dark, in the basement of the bad boys’ house.
Harry didn’t plan on kidnapping a girl and he doesn’t like hitting women -because of the dark soul- But he’s the leader of the gang, he can’t let a girl step on his feet in front of his guys. He’d look weak! And she’s pretty and small so…
“I accepted by mistake, your invitation.
I must have had the wrong time, I must have got the seasons mixed-up…”
Our handsome bad boy keeps his prisoner locked in the cellar, threatening to kill her and beating her, until she learns to answer his questions, or to shut her mouth when he asks her to. When it’s done, he gives her a room in the house and makes her clearly understand that if she tries to escape, he’ll not be happy, not at all. “He’ll find her wherever she goes, anyway” -because he always gets what he wants- And then, he allows her to take a shower, locks the door and drives into town to buy her sexy clothes and some girly stuff.
The Heroine tries to escape, to steal his phone or his keys, once or twice, understands -very clearly- she shouldn’t have, and ends up in the basement once more. Until Harry considers that she has been punished enough. Then she gets her room back -because our bad boy’s not so bad, of course- she shuts her mouth and stops trying.
« Should I ask the question now or is it clear to everyone?
OK, just in case
« Is it acceptable, normal and SEXY for a man to kidnap, to hold prisoner, to threaten and to beat a woman?
Yes sexy, because of course, our heroine, who gets slaps at every turn, isn’t immune to the bad boy’s wonderful, green eyes…
We just walked through the Second Gate of Hell -The First was here- Let’s go even further now, the Third is not far.
Our Heroine has now a room, some sexy clothes and girly stuff to kill time and to doll herself up. And one day, she says one wrong word, or maybe she just draws the short straw -bad planetary conjunction- and Harry rapes her. And when it’s done, he gives her his tee-shirt -that smells of him and washing powder- because she’s sexy when she wears his bruises and his clothes, and joins his mates to thrash them at GTA 5.
Whatever game, it’s always him that wins.
Yes okay, but:
- The heroine cried, but she didn’t really say “NO”.
- She didn’t beg for help.
- He didn’t really force her to do it, either.
« So, it wasn’t really a rape, isn’t it?
- That young, small and thin girl is held prisoner in an isolated house, full of weapons, by a tall, strong and violent man, who threatens to kill her, strikes her and locks her in the dark for days.
- Three other guys equally tall, strong and violent are playing video games in the next room.
- She didn’t say “YES”, either.
« So what do you think? And if it’s not a rape what is it?
After that, our Heroine cries in Harry’s magic tee-shirt for two or three days -She visibly didn’t take it too well- But finally she’s bored alone in her room. So she goes to the kitchen and bakes cookies for the boys, because eating nothing but pizzas, it’s bad for their health!
And there, she meets the other three girlfriends, who tell her how it was hard for them at the beginning: They were locked in the dark, hit and raped by their bad boys too. But now it’s nice! If they don’t do anything wrong, of course.
Then they take The Heroine shopping in town. After she’s asked Harry permission, of course. And she’s promised the girls not to do anything stupid, like trying to phone or to escape. Or else, their bad boys will beat the crap out of them and their men are not as kind as Harry!
Choke on my tea
« KIND? Kind like… Kind?
Damn it, where did I put my dictionary… Ah, there it is.
Definitions of kind
Having a friendly or generous nature or attitude.
H elpful to others.
Considerate or humane.
Pleasant; agreeable; mild.
Beneficial or not harmfulFuck no, certainly not…
Yeah well… a kind of bastard, that’s for sure, but other than that, it doesn’t fit…
And finally our kind hero, who kindly beats and rapes women, and his kindly abused heroine fall in love, because he’s sexy, she’s pretty and small and he likes her cookies.
The true, the perfect love that hurts and bleeds.
Sing with me!
“Rape me. Rape me, my friend
Rape me. Rape me again.
I’m not the only one…
Hate me. Do it and do it again.
Waste me. Rape me, my friend…”
Nirvana -Rape me-
The young women who write those stories seems to believe that it is. They visibly don’t know what a rape is and how it feels like -Good for them. No one should know- Bad boys who kidnap and strike women or worse are sexy, kind and very, very popular in fanfics, and here we are, I’m back to my own hell and I stop laughing.
I just want to throw my cup of tea through my screen, yell and cry.
But I can’t, because:
- I don’t want to be that angry person who growls and shouts.
- The kids are downstairs with their daddy-tiger.
- I’ve already cried enough tears to last two lifetimes.
- I need my screen.
So, I turn off Wattpad.
« Fuck off. That’s not my problem. It’s just stories, after all. You don’t like them, don’t read them.
What am I trying to do?
I’m trying to hide myself because I don’t want to go back. I fucking don’t want to. But it’s to late. Pandora’s box is open and I can’t just close it and shut my mouth. I can’t because no, in fact…
It’s not just stories. It’s more than that.
When in fictions -not only in fanfics, by the way- women are depicted and treated as preys, toys, brainless pretty dolls that men can own, use, abuse, control, dress, fuck, hit and rape as they see fit. When in fictions, violence against women is trivialized and legitimated in every possible way. At the same time, in real life, some men -some men, not every men- act exactly in that way. There’s always someone to make excuses for them. There’s always someone to say to women that they deserved what had happened to them -because they’re sluts- And when men act in that way, women are in danger. Whether they’re aware of it or not, they’re in danger. I know it, I experienced it.
I can’t shut my mouth because it’s not just one bad story. There’re hundreds. Hundreds of young women depict themselves in that way, while any women who don’t look like a heroine -a golden-hair mussel- are sluts and whores. I can’t shut my mouth when hundreds of young women explain to me that being hit and raped by a man isn’t a big deal, because that man is sexy and it’s love anyway.
It’s fucking not true!
I can’t shut my mouth when thousands of young women read those stories, wet their pants at the thought of being kidnapped, beat and raped by a violently sexy, curly, green-eyed bad boy and ask for next chapter quick!
That’s maybe only fantasies. I have the feeling that it’s not just that. That there’s something much deeper and much devious than that. A wrong perception in the mind of those young women. Like an old image of women, who are almost always described as weak, a little stupid, superficial and submissive to men. Like princesses in fact. And a wrong perception of men, by the way, who would have to be strong, authoritarian, jealous, violent to be recognized as true males, to behave like ass holes, to sum up.
Yet I’m convinced that those young writers are not weak, superficial or stupid and that the guys around them are not all bastards.
But one thing is for sure, when this kind of fantasies become real, it happens for real, every day all over the world, it hurts, it bleeds and it destroys people and lives. Real people and real lives. Maybe it would be good to show respect for the victims of such violent and traumatic behaviour by not telling them that it was an act of love, AT LEAST.
I can’t shut my mouth. Maybe should I. But I won’t.
So I try to be brave. I close the door, push the music up, up, up.
And I answer the question…